Honeymoon Destination

Unless the groom has decided to keep the honeymoon destination a secret from the bride this topic offers potential for injecting humour into the speech.

Is the destination at the other side of the world? i.e. Groom is hopes marriage will be like the honeymoon - He is in it for the long haul

Is there a sporting link to destination, i.e. has the groom booked honeymoon in Australia to coincide with the Ashes, or Monaco for the Grand Prix

With most airlines now making charges for luggage this could allow jokes about how many cases the bride is taking and how it almost doubled the cost of the flight.

Increased airport security could also open up the way for jokes along the lines of ‘When the bride goes through the body scanner the security staff will realise what a lucky man the groom is.’ The gag could work equally well the other way round with the suggestion that the groom is well hung, or that he has a small willy.

Are they travelling on a budget airline? i.e. no frills honeymoon. Joining mile high club now costs a pound if you fly Ryan Air and you try and use the toilet.

What different customs do various country i.e. you can take a bit of poetic license and make stuff up. i.e. In Maldives a newly married wife is expected to wait on her husband like servant. Or wife has to walk 6 feet behind husband, unless there is a minefield.

(Slightly risky) If a baby is conceived on honeymoon will it be called ______ (name related to honeymoon destination) Roman – Rome, Paris - Paris etc

Bride and groom didn’t see eye to eye over honeymoon. The bride wanted some where romantic and relaxing groom just wanted somewhere cheap

Comments on who did the packing for the honeymoon and what they packed.

i.e. She has packed all her best dresses and shoes, he has packed his golf clubs and 7 pairs of shorts.

Groom only allowed to pack shorts because bride now wears the trousers in the relationship.

Groom told me he’d wished he had brought the TV with him, when I said he shouldn’t take a TV on holiday he said ‘I know but I’ve left the airline tickets on the top of the TV.

Groom has admitted to me that his passport is out of date, so he will either need to change location or else I could step into the breach and go with you.

I know that groom is a bit worried about the honeymoon because he has been consulting Cosmopolitan magazine for tips.
__________ planned to go to Canada on honeymoon but then decided he didn’t want the marriage to have a Rocky start.

__________ planned to honeymoon on the Orient Express but was worried the marriage could quickly go off the tracks

_______ insisted on a honeymoon destination with good mobile phone reception.

When _______ was trying to persuade __________ to go to South Africa on honeymoon to see all the scenery and wildlife I wonder if he also mentioned how good the golf courses were in South Africa.

_________ fancied Las Vegas but having already married the best woman in the world knew that his winning streak couldn’t last much longer.

Wanted to go to (European destination) because being a ______  it’s the only way he will getting into Europe this year.

While they are honeymoon viewing figures for _____  are likely to dip.

Hope that (groom) performs better in Europe than his football team does.

(bride) doesn’t know yet but (groom) had a bit of a problem when booking the honeymoon. Sadly he was unable to get two seats next to each other on the plane so he was forced to book one seat in business class and one in economy. He is hoping that the woman on the check-in desk might take pitty on them and give them an upgrade but otherwise he will keep popping back to economy class to make sure she is OK.

When (groom) said they were going to the Far East on honeymoon I thought he meant Skegness.

(Groom) told (bride) he was booking the honeymoon at the last minute so it would be a surprise but the real reason he left it late was because he wanted to get a bargain.

Because they have just got married the airline are making a special effort for them, they are going to let them sit either side of the aisle.

(Groom) asked me what I thought about the two of them having a honeymoon in Rome so (bride) could go and look at the ceiling in the Sistine, I said after a few days on honeymoon she might be a bit fed up of looking at ceilings.

(Groom) as fancying going on a road trip for the honeymoon, but I  pointed out that spending to weeks arguing over directions might not be the best way to start off married life.

For some married couples the honeymoon period last a month for others it can go on for at least a year depending on what kind of credit card deal they got.

When I heard the name of the hotel they were stopping in I took a look at it on Google earth, it certainly must be fairly modern because they were still building it last week.

When I looked at the honeymoon hotel on Google earth it looked really impressive until I realised that the large swimming pool t the back is actually just a blue rectangle that has been painted in he car-park so it looks like a swimming pool if you are looking down on it from the window in the aeroplane.

(Groom) wanted to book the honeymoon in Paris but I told him not to bother because the only thing people remember about Paris is a large erection.

(bride) fancied going on honeymoon to somewhere hot where she had not been before so (groom) suggested a fortnight in the kitchen.

(Honeymoon – after my honeymoon I felt like a new man but so did my wife.)

You know the honeymoon is over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday night – and so does she.

_______ wanted to go to Iceland on honeymoon but _______ he preferred Farm foods.

________ wanted to go on a cruise but ________ didn’t want to go overboard.

(groom) wanted to go on Safari but (bride) was worried that there would be too much monkey business.


When ________ suggested Rome as their honeymoon destination, _________ said but what about all the muggers and pick pockets. _______ said we won’t bother taking them.

 They’ve managed to save some money on the honeymoon by using all the air miles (bride) as accrued over the years buying shoes.

When he was booking the honeymoon hotel the travel agent asked him if he had a good memory for faces, when he said yes. She said ‘That’s good because there’s no mirror in the bathroom 

(bride) doesn’t need to worry about making too much noise in the honeymoon suite because it’s directly over the all night disco.

When he couldn’t think of where to book the honeymoon the groom closed his eyes and stuck a pin in a map – so now he’s banned from WH Smith.

I’m not sure that starting off married life is a hotel is such a good idea because you get used to lying in bed watching TV and being waited on hand and foot and that’s never going to happen when you get back home.

(groom) has booked breakfast in bed for first morning of the honeymoon so (bride) will be woken up with a hot sausage.

(groom) booked the honeymoon on the internet so the 5 star hotel in Mauritius could easily turn out to be a 2 star B&B in Morecambe.

He wanted an action packed honeymoon where there were lots of things to do and she wanted to relax and chill. So they compromised and booked an action packed honeymoon at a hotel which provides a large fridge in every room.

I was meant to remind (Groom) to complete the on-line check-in for the honeymoon but unfortunately I forgot so when they get to the airport they will just have to wing it.


(groom) is a bit nervous about returning to (destination) because the last time he was their he was thrown out of the hotel for weeing in the swimming pool. So he’s going to be more careful this time and if he does need to wee in the pool he won’t do it from the top of the diving board.

(groom) fancies having ago at scuba diving but he’s worried about how long he can stay down without coming up for breath, I told him that by the second week of the honeymoon he will have had plenty of practise.

(groom) wants to do a lot of waterskiing on honeymoon but (bride) says she’s not so keen about spending so much time with her legs apart.

(groom) was so keen to get a good deal on the honeymoon ….

(groom) did try and arrange for an helicopter to fly them from the airport to the hotel because someone told him that women enjoy their honeymoon a lot more if the groom has a big chopper.

I understand that (bride) is a reluctant flyer. She doesn’t like the take off and landing, but she’s OK with the other bits like drinking, eating and buying duty free.

The honeymoon hotel is so exclusive that even the room service is X-directory.

I’m sure that the couple of looking forward to a nice relaxing honeymoon and won’t be worrying too much about volcanoes erupting, earthquakes, Tsunamis, air traffic control strikes, food poisoning, fuel surcharges, cockroaches at the hotel, chemicals in the swimming pool, sun stroke, dehydration, building work at the hotel or civil war breaking out while their away.









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