Hobbies and Interests

They say that if you get married on a Friday you will always have a cross to bare, being a  _______ supporter

I said I’d give up watching (insert name of football team) if (bride) stopped buying clothes but unfortunately she didn’t keep her side of the bargain so I’m forced to watch (insert name of football team).

________has finally found a woman that he loves more than his car. But he still intends to take a picture of his car with him on honeymoon.

__________ is  so good at DIY I’m expecting him to get well and truly plastered tonight.

_________ is so good at DIY that he got well and truly hammered on his stag night.

(bride)  knows her (groom)  is great at DIY because he’s always getting hammered and on his stag night he got plastered.

(groom) is a big fan of electric gadgets. So hopefully tonight he will be able to press all the buttons.

Before (bride) introduced him to classical music (groom)  thought that Nessum Dorma was a camper van. 

Like all (insert football team) fans when he goes to watch them play he takes a long a flask, because there are no cups at (insert name of football ground)

(groom) is a bit of a Jamie Oliver in the kitchen a very good cook but he soon gets on your nerves.

(groom)  has a very modern approach to cooking, he’ll cook anything as long as it’s in the microwave

When (bride) sings she usually brings the house down so it’s just as well that (groom) is so good at DIY.

Under the prenuptial he his still allowed to go and watch (insert football team) play every week but he must be in bed every Saturday night before Match of the Day starts.

If (insert football team) do manage to get into Europe, Johan will be allowed to travel to away matches providing he brings back an appropriate present such as luxury  Chocolates from Belgium or Switzerland, Diamonds from Holland, Champagne from France and any thing from Spain as long has it isn’t Sangria  or a large toy donkey.


(groom) is a keen golfer this should provide him with important skills and experience for being a husband.

Walking long distances carrying a heavy bag – useful training for going shopping

Keeping on the straight and narrow and avoiding hazards.

Selecting the right club – useful when on a night out.

Being able to take advice.

And above all learning to play golf teaches patience.

When discussing clothes Luke said he did want to look silly on his wedding day, since when did golfers start to worry about what they look like?

Luke has brought a spare pair of socks with him just in case he gets a hole in one.

If he says he wants to play around later there is a golf course up the road.

Golf is like marriage.

If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work.

Both have their ups and downs.

Both require plenty of patience.

You will occasionally hit a rough patch.

You are always hacking your way out of a hazard.

The main differences between golf and marriage.

When playing golf you pull your trolley but when out shopping you push the trolley.

When you are married you should avoid the birdies.

Foursomes are always out of bounds

Excuses you should look out for when married to a keen golfer

‘I’ll be working late. – Especially if he’s working near a golf course.

‘I’m out on call.

‘I just need to pop into the office for a few hours.

‘I’ve got an important business meeting

He likes playing Squash which according the  dictionary is a game played by people with small black balls.

When Jane used to play Hockey they called her Cinderella because she kept running away from the ball.

(bride)  likes to keep fit at the gym she always works out on the weights so she has enough strength to carry all her shopping bags.

(bride) is a good swimmer she likes doing the breast stroke because it avoids getting her hair wet.

Both (groom) and (bride) enjoy eating out but I don’t know if it’s because they enjoy sampling different cuisines or whether it’s more the fact that neither of them likes to do the washing up.

They are both big fans of Chinese food which is why they chose hymns 64 and 72 because they coincide with their favourite meals. 

(groom) enjoys eating Chinese food and although he’s not keen on Prawns with (bride) he’s clearly pulled a cracker.

(bride) enjoys doing aerobics, if ever she hits on hard times she could always become an aerobics teacher to make ends meet.

I have always known that (groom)has a great eye for things that are both beautiful and practical and this is clearly why he fell for (bride)

(groom) is a big fan of Jeremy Clarkson, who we all know is a big head, with a loud mouth and a stupid haircut – it’s clearly a case of opposites attracting.

(groom) enjoys doing DIY  which in his case stands for Destroy it Yourself.

(groom)  is keen on computer games. I was a bit shocked when I rang him recently and he told me he was playing with his Wii

If (groom) was a sweet he’d be a liquorice all sport.

(groom)  ought to try bungee jumping because whatever happens he would end up landing on his feet.

(groom) considers himself to be the England cricket teams lucky mascot because whenever he’s at the ground they win the Ashes, sadly for(groom) this argument didn’t cut the mustard when he tried to persuade (bride) that he should have spent the winter in Australia to ensure England retained the Ashes.

(groom) is very fond of his posh nosh he’s visited so many restaurants in the Michelin

guide that he’s almost turned into the Michelin man.

When Ryan said (bride) enjoyed the theatre ‘I thought it was Much ado about Nothing.’ 

Whenever he/she feels a sudden urge to keep fit she goes and has a shower until the feeling wears of

Hockey - when Jane used to play Hockey they called her Cinderella because she kept running away from the ball

(groom) isn’t much of a gardener, the only thing he grows in his garden is tired.

He doesn’t like gardening because soil rhymes with toil.

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